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99 Lies and 1 Truth

[info]sntmentalfkness did this survey, and while her version (100 truths) was interesting, I decided to twist things a little. 
Just because I can. 

Can you spot the 1 truth?

1. Last beverage – Jack Daniels and coke, and its 9am. Sorry, I’m starting a bit late today, I overslept. I had a hangover.
2. Last phone call – I talked to Pres. Obama, trying to get him to come to dinner. No go, I had to settle for Governor Patterson. 
3. Last text – My girlfriend had never read ‘War and Peace’, hence I sent it to her. 
4. Last song you listened to – ‘Hallelujah’ by Handel.
5. Last time you cried – I never cry. I’m the one that makes other people cry. 

6. Dated someone twice? – No, only one shot for everyone. 
7. Been cheated on? – You don’t dare.  See #64.
8. Kissed someone & regretted it? – Nah, but the stuff afterwards was regrettable.
9. Lost someone special? – Yes, but I found them in the toy department.
10. Been depressed? – Why would I be depressed when the world revolves around me? 
11. Been drunk? – Never in my life.  

12. Poop Brown
13. Mustard
14. Puke green 

15. Made new friends? – The world is my friend. 
16. Fallen out of love? – At least 50 times. 
17. Laughed until you cried? – I never cry – I told you this already.   Besides, I never laugh.  
18. Met someone who changed you? – No, everyone else changes for me. 
19. Found out who your true friends were? – As I said above, the world is my friend. Someone’s not taking notes. Shape up.
20. Found out someone was talking about you? – Yes, but I took care of that problem with my 20 gauge. 
21. Kissed anyone on your tagged list? – Yes. You know who you are.
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life? – 3,482,611 and 1/2. 
23. How many kids do you want to have? – I have 13 already, and since it’s considered an unlucky number, one more would be good.
24. Do you have any pets? – No, I never share the screen with children or animals. 
25. Do you want to change your name? – No, I like my name. ‘Queen of the Galaxy’ has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?
26. What did you do for your last birthday? – Breakfast in bed, followed by the morning spent in the spa. Lunch in Paris, then shopping in Italy. Dinner and a movie back in NYC. Typical BD. 
27. What time did you wake up today? – I’m still asleep. 
28. What were you doing at midnight last night? – Dancing the night away at Studio 54.
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for. –Andrew Cuomo being elected Governor. 
30. Last time you saw your father. – Yesterday. He appeared at the foot of my bed and told me to continue my plans to take over the world [within 100 yards of my house] and that the pizza was very good today.  
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life? – I would like to be born as a housefly.   
32. What are you listening to right now? – The dulcet sounds of the Philharmonic Orchestra playing Jablonsky’s ‘Arrival to Earth’. Live, of course. 
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom? – No. Never. I don’t know anything about him. No matter what he says. I never met him.   
34. What's getting on your nerves right now? – This list.


36. What’s your real name? – Queen of the Galaxy. Pay attention, I told you that already. 
37. Relationship Status – I have a relationship.
38. Zodiac sign – Yield. 
39. Male or female? – I don’t mind either one.
40. Elementary – My dear Watson. 
41. Middle School? – I fell asleep in the janitor’s closet and missed middle school. 
42. High school – was the best. I was a cheerleader. 
43. Hair color – titanium
44. Long or short? - bald
45. Height – 6’5”
46. Do you have a crush on someone? – I swear, I had nothing to do with the steamroller that ran over Tom.  
47. What do you like about yourself? – I hate everything and everyone.
48. Piercings? – You’ll never see them.
49. Tattoos? – Harley eagle on my back. Autobot on upper chest. Snake curling up my left leg, dragon curling down my right. Marijuana leaf on my aft. Stars and stripes on right arm. ‘Mom’ in a heart on left arm.    
50. Righty or lefty? – righty tighty, lefty loosy. That’s all I’m saying about that.    
51. First surgery? – Brain surgery in the womb. That’s why I’m so smurt. 
52. First piercing? – Nose in 3rd grade. 
53. First tattoo? – 3rd grade, I stabbed myself with a Bic pen. Tom was a bad influence on me back then.   
54. First best friend? – Timothy.
55. First sport you joined? – I was a placekicker for our town little league back in 1964. 
56. First pet? – Wolf spider that crawled in my window when I was 13.  
57. First vacation remembered? – Orlando in 2010.
58. First concert? – Mom held the radio next to her tummy when she was preggo. That’s why I love Lawrence Welk. 
59. First crush? – Sister Mary Conrad, 1st grade. 

61. Eating – dog cookies
62. Drinking – I told you, I don’t drink…wine.  
63. I'm about to - roast an aardvark in the oven. Yum.
64. Listening to - the screams of my enemies being tortured in the basement. 
65. Waiting for - the Rapture. 

66. Want kids? – see # 23. 
67. Want to get married? – OMG, yes. More than anything. 
68. Careers in mind? -  Doctor, Diesel Mechanic, or Manure Spreader.

69. Lips or eyes? – I lost both in a tragic hay-bailer accident. 
70. Hugs or kisses? – Don’t touch me. I have spermatophobia.  
71. Shorter or taller? – It all depends upon which end of the see-saw I am on at the time. 
72. Older or Younger – I love being old.
73. Romantic or spontaneous? – I want spontaneous impracticality. 
74. Nice stomach or nice arms? – I will always take a six-pack of beer over chicken wings. 
75. Tattoos or piercings? – Pierce my tattoo, baby!
76. Sensitive or loud? – Loudly yelling as I poke a sensitive spot.
77. Hook-up or relationship? – I am such a wuss, I need someone to put my worm on the hook. 
78. Trouble maker or hesitant? – Girls like bad boys. 

79. Kissed a stranger? – I kiss the man in the mirror every morning.
80. Drank hard liquor? – I already said I don’t drink, what’s with you?
81. Lost glasses/contacts? – I have never lost anything in my life.
82. Sex on first date? – You’d better.
83. Broken someone’s heart? – does cutting a heart out of a chest count? 
84. Had your own heart broken? – No, I am a rock, I am an island. 
85. Been arrested? – Once down in Nuevo Laredo, Mexico. It had something to do with ping-pong balls, beer bottles and lots of tequila. 
86. Turned someone down? – I disappoint people every day. 
87. Cried when someone died? – No, because all my friends are immortals.
88. Liked a friend that is a girl? – I have no friends. 

89. Yourself? – I am the be-all and end-all in the universe. 
90. Miracles? – It would be a miracle for me to believe in miracles. 
91. Love at first sight? – Lust last forever, why would anyone need love? 
92. Heaven? – Heaven is right here on Earth. 
93. Santa Claus? – Of course, spoke to him just the other day. Someone is getting coal this year. I won’t mention any names but you know who you are.   
94. Kissing on the first date? – I allow anyone to kiss my feet whenever they want.   
95. Angels? -  No, you are a figment of my imagination. 

96. Is there one person you want to be with right now? – Yes, but the Hoff won’t return my calls. And what’s with the restraining order, anyway? 
97. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? – I am surrounded by people who want me right this moment. 
98. Do you believe it’s possible to remain faithful forever? – yes, because the consequences of cheating on me are too dreadful to even contemplate, or put down on paper. See #64. 
99. What's the one thing you cannot live without? – Shots of warm Jack Daniels. 
100. Posting this as 100 Truths? – What do you think?




( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
Sep. 24th, 2010 03:44 am (UTC)
Let me guess, 35 is the truth. XD
Sep. 24th, 2010 03:58 am (UTC)
I had another # in mind.
Truthfully, I kind of forgot that 35 could be considered a truth. If I was royal enuf to issue a proclamation. So I'd have to say you were correct, on a technicality. Cookie for you.

Sep. 24th, 2010 04:30 am (UTC)

My guesses are: 6, 21, 34, 58, 99.
Sep. 24th, 2010 12:18 pm (UTC)
No, although 99 was a good guess.
I do like my Jack, I just can't handle warm shots anymore.
Long story, involving free drinks, much liquor, and the porcelain god.

Sep. 25th, 2010 04:47 am (UTC)
The One and Only Truth ...
It was 9am ...
Sep. 25th, 2010 01:27 pm (UTC)
Re: The One and Only Truth ...
Oh, you're so funny I forgot to laugh.
Are you home yet?
Sep. 25th, 2010 01:43 pm (UTC)
Re: The One and Only Truth ...
DAMN, I thought, for sure, I had it right!
Returning Sunday: 10:45am
Will be ready to ride around noon.
Are you going to Canandaigua Lake?
Or, would you rather stay closer to home?
Sep. 25th, 2010 04:10 pm (UTC)
Re: The One and Only Truth ...
I wasn't planning on riding anywhere. And Canandaigua is too far for me - I don't want to waste the whole day.
I am wasting the afternoon today at the N.Collins gun raffle - my pal Tom bought me a ticket.
I don't know what Betty is doing, she may want to go with you.
I would consider something short for dinner, maybe.
Sep. 25th, 2010 06:00 pm (UTC)
Re: The One and Only Truth ...
A ride to dinner sounds good to me~ suggestions?
Sep. 26th, 2010 02:30 pm (UTC)
Re: The One and Only Truth ...
Call me when you get home.
Betty will go, too.
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )



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