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Hidden Doctor Fees

We’ve been getting quite a few calls because we put an ad in the Pennysaver regarding the canalith repositioning maneuver for vertigo   (one of my boss’ specialties).  

One lady was checking us out on our website and wanted to know if there were any hidden fees. And she asked that question after I explained the cost of $20 includes diagnosis and treatment. 

Any hidden fees?

No lady, it says in the ad, $20, and I just told you $20. Weren’t you listening? 

I felt like saying, ‘Actually, yes, there are a few hidden fees. If you sit in the waiting room, we charge you an additional $10, but if you stand, it’s only $5. If you look at one of our magazines, fork over $8, but if you return it in good condition, we will refund you $3. If you bring your own reading material, it’s only $2, because you are using our lighting to read by. Hanging your coat in the closet costs you $2. We will charge you $7 to make up your file folder, and another $3 when you fill out the registration form, and if you use our pen, tack on another $4. If you don’t return our pen, we charge you $25. When we take you back to the exam room and you want to be weighed on the scale that registers 6 lbs. light, we will expect $10, but the accurate scale is free. During your exam, if you want the doctor to speak in layman’s terms, we will charge $15, as on the average, it takes 3 small words when one whopping ‘Perceptor-speak’ word can do the job much more quickly. Every question you ask the doctor costs you $2, but if there are no questions, we will credit you $10. 

If you have any more questions for me, please be aware that if you ask me a question, it will cost you $5, as I am the only one here answering the phone that can answer you.” 

I relayed this imaginary dialogue to my sister and we had a good laugh. 

I hope you all realize this was satirical. Doctors are not allowed to charge this way. If they are participating providers, the insurance company tells them exactly what to charge. 



( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
May. 6th, 2010 02:51 am (UTC)
gods! that's the best comedic satire i've seen in ages! i giggled the whole way through. well done, dear. well done.
May. 6th, 2010 03:27 am (UTC)
Thanks babe, I value your opinion.
Sometimes RL stuff is just ripe for the plucking.
May. 6th, 2010 03:05 am (UTC)
don't give 'em any ideas!
holy moly, don't give the docs any ideas ... the tissues to dab the tears from our eyes will cost a buck a piece once you start talking that way!!!!
May. 6th, 2010 03:29 am (UTC)
Re: don't give 'em any ideas!
I guess I should have thought of that. But tissues are more than a buck because we have Puffs in the office. I'd say $2. And if you use your sleeve to wipe your nose, we charge $50, just because you are disgusting. hahaha.

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )



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